Thursday, February 15, 2007

Stamp Out Dogshit

I hereby throw my hat into the ring.

I've decided to run as President of France*.

All you have to do is write "Jayzerz" onto the ballot paper and make a mark next to it, because this is a supposed democracy and you can vote for me or whomever you like.

As a first question you might ask is; why vote for Jayzerz?

Simply, unlike the other contestants, I have the following propostion to solve the issues that face a slightly-modern-France and the world today:

"Stamp Out Dogshit!"

Getting rid of dogshit from the pavements of France is the hardest first step to building a better France! Forward to a new world!

A France free of dogshit? I hear you ask that of me...

Imagine the possibilities! I say!

Like any politician, I could just say "Believe in me", but my slogan must also be translated as 'cut the crap!' into all languages.

As you know, there are many problems facing France, and the rest of the planet, but none so calamitous as dogshit...

Doing away with such merde is possible!

You really don't have to trust in me at all, just do what needs to be done: refuse to listen to the kak that all career-politicians speak.

No matter what Nicolas Royal or Selogene Sarkozy might tell you; which would be something like;
"a strong France is a France that doesn't smell of crud on your shoe as a croque on the pavement free-France like maybe entity that someday will rule the world type national thingamig might possibly bring about even more taxes type thingymajig type typething...x100**"

Everything else that they might say in the rest of the politcal debate is a load of old poop!

Vote for Jayzerz!

Vote from the ground up!

A dogshit free France is better France!

A vote for me is the first clear step towards a dogshit free France, a step towards the complete reformation of French Society! Everything else is just wishful thinking - I will deal with the fundamental problem FIRST by re-introducing the summary guillotine for those who let their dogs shit on their neighbour's doorstep.

This is the first step towards salvation. A new beginning to create a culture where France may finally take it place in a civillized world free from the shackles of its present pavement malaise.

Zero Tolerance for dogshit! I just don't want to stand on the stuff anymore.

There is a huge problem, not just in France, but in the world today...

That problem is the fact that too many people are accepting too much crap in their lives today**.

My response is for you to put your foot down and say: "No more shit in my life!"

When we all do it, we can clean up the shit and prevent it from happening again. So say it. Out aloud, and altogether now;

"No More Shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

It's not about me, it''s about you!

So this is my Election Manifesto; deal with it.

Vote Now! Vote Jayzerz! OK!

*Just because everyone else seems to be doing it these days; anyone with a fax machine and a dog is running for president today. It's a friggin nightmare of democracy gone wrong. The French Left has gone pear-shaped; so-called would-be left and right-wing-contenders are appearing out of the woodwork every day and everyman Jack is running for prez. I can't really do it - as I am not a so-called French National - so just play along, ok? In fact, why not send a postcard or Rizla® vote in from wherever you are, to the Palace Elysee so I can see how many votes I get!

** So here is the real news: I am sadly disappointed by French politics. I thought it might be interesting to cover, blogwise, the next French Pesidential election, post-Chirac and all... but it has really has been a third rate dog and pony show thus far, so don't get your knickers in a knot quite yet, I'll report in when there something interesting to finally cover...

No comments: